Pity her not
She’s not broken
Maybe a little
Frayed around the edges
But she’s not
Coming undone
Conformity
Conformity was never something he could muster. It wasn’t because he was taking a big rebellious stand against society. No, he was not a revolutionist. It was more the fact that he was a dreamer, and he could not commit to anything other than the creation of his own personal fairy tale. The side affects of this was of course the deep loneliness one feels when they go against the grain of social wishes in an attempt to make their own happiness.
6:34pm
The wind blows cold
It penetrates your soul
But you’re made of tough stuff
Your won’t freeze over
You’ve learned how to protect yourself
Without becoming cold and bitter
They ask you how you did it
You tell them you found beauty in the wind
And that there is so much you can learn from your enemy
On Monday
On Monday she sits in her room and thinks of the boy that taught her fairy tales weren’t true.
On Tuesday, she catches a glimpse of the past that was locked away by a camera flash
On Wednesday she feels ashamed that she’s thinking of him again
On Thursday she misses him still, but misses the girl she once was more
On Friday she forgets he used to call around this time to ask her if she was ok.
On Saturday she cleans out her heart and scrubs out the residue he left behind
On Sunday she feels safe at last, until midnight comes and then…it’s Monday again
12:08am
Neck bites
It’s past midnight
She likes it rough
Not too much
Just enough
She’s not vicious
Nor malicious
But she draws blood
When she makes love
6:21 PM
There are too many people
There aren’t enough personalities
You look the same as yesterday
I thought you said you’ve changed
Artists: They deserve to be paid
I frequently tell myself I have to create. I have to. I have produce. I have to create. There is a need in me to tap into the creative spirit that is the essence of me. Matthew Healy from The 1975 once said “the idea of creating not being at the epicenter of my life terrifies me.” I connect deeply with that statement. I can’t imagine my life without some sort of creativity. It’s a joy for me and I get restless when I’m not doing it. But sometimes, as much as I want to create, I can’t.
It’s not a matter of having writer’s block, but rather facing the two paths that most artists have to face–doing something they love and doing something that will pay the bills. The ugly truth is creative endeavors are not always lucrative. Writing has to be one of the biggest financial gambles around and most lose rather than gain. I’m not trying to paint a grim picture to dishearten anyone but it’s time we talk about why creative people are expected to enjoy creating without expecting anything for the fruits of their labor.
I was watching a makeup artist on youtube, she was incredibly talented; when she mentioned at the end of the video where people can buy the products and support her, the comments made my heart ache. They called her a sell out, as if it was some crime to ask people to pay her for something they had enjoyed.
Writers, musicians, painters, crafters etc are treated with the same sort of disdain when the word money comes up. People expect free books, free music, free photography, not realizing how much time, effort, skill, and money goes into creating these types of works. I think bloggers and vloggers get an even greater lashing even though they put in a great amount of time to create content users can enjoy and be educated by.
Why are we so turned off by the idea of paying creative people? Why do we always assume it should be taken as a hobby, a fanciful pursuit, that should be done on off days between “real work.” This attitude makes it difficult for artists to truly create a life solely with their art. Most have side jobs, others rely on their spouse or family for financial support. The starving artist isn’t a cliche. It’s a very real reality for many who can’t imagine doing anything else but aren’t earning enough to keep creating.
One solution I can offer is for creatives to continue to pursue their careers, but with a business mentality. As an artist, you are self employed and anyone who is self employed needs to know the business behind their craft. Learn to market yourself; continuously promote your work, and don’t settle for the age old view of “it’s just a hobby.” This is the difference between being an artist and being a paid artist.
Do you think it’s important to support artists?
9:16 AM
Are you a seasonal writer?
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day as we munched on fries at a patio restaurant. It’s a sunny day, perfect for the two of us who prefer sunshine to be a dominate feature in our hangouts. We love the summer. We also love to write. As I haven’t seen her in a while, I’m eager to hear about her textual adventures and she has been wondering about what empires I’ve be establishing with ink. She tells me, “it’s been raining so I haven’t been writing much.”
I take a break from the fries feast to think about what she’s just said. For her, rain = no writing. But for me, rain can easily lead to writing 10 or more pages a day. I know that weather and seasons can play a big role for writers in terms of inspiration. But it wasn’t until a couple years ago that I noticed the role it can play on how often a writer actually writes. For my friend, cold seasons make her gloomy and bored and she finds it difficult to create. Her boyfriend however, she claims, writes extensively during the winter months but has to almost force himself to get stuff down during spring and summer.
It made me question my own writing habits. Was I a seasonal writer? I thought back to one year when I kept a diary for each month of the year. I would write until the end of the month and then quickly switch to a new diary. I noticed that while I hadn’t necessarily written more during one particular season, the type of writing I did varied as the seasons transitioned. During the winter, my writing was more poetic–loaded with symbolism and word play. The hotter months had me in a more matter-of-fact attitude. The pieces were also shorter. The diary entries were personal during the warmer seasons. I find it harder to write fiction during the summer.
Internally and instinctively I must have known this for a while. I’m a ghost writer and have recently noticed that I pick my assignments based on the time of year. I’ve been doing this since the beginning of my career. In summer, I’m all about marketing messages, technical pieces, and how-to articles. Come late September and I’m creating drafts for the next piece of literature that I will be writing during the long winter months.
While I may not stop writing completely just because it’s not the right weather or season, it does affect my writing. Do the seasons play a role in your writing? Do you find yourself writing more during a certain month or time of the year?
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Quiet Moments
I’m sat on a hill looking out at my city scape. Next to me sits my friend. She says “it’s nice to be able to sit like this and not talk. Don’t get me wrong, I like talking to you but it nice not to have to.”
I nod and smile because I couldn’t agree more. I am the silent type by nature. I prefer listening to talking and I enjoy quite moments where I am almost in a trance like state. These are the moments that I treasure–moments when I am lost in the experience. There is no thinking and analyzing, just the experience and the only conversation I’m having is between me and my soul.
We’re used to entertaining others, making them feel our presence by doing something. But it’s wonderful not succumb to this process and just be. Be side by side, be in the moment, be yourself and be ok. If you can feel someone’s heart without reaching out to touch it you know you are in a good place with them.
december's monologue 