100 Thank Yous

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When I made this blog, I was first and foremost looking for a place to dump my writing. I think more than I write, but every now and then the thoughts need to come out. I never anticipated for a single second that a single person would even find this little blog, let alone follow. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for the follows, the likes, the comments..just…thank you. This blog, along with my tumblr are sort of my sanctuary. Some people need their coffee, others their evening wine, I need my blog. I’m emotionally attached to it. But I didn’t think anyone would want to read a damn thing I wrote, at least not here.

I don’t write to be heard,  but it’s nice to be. More than my own follows, I’ve found others whose writing inspires me and whose style is relatable. Sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not entirely singular in your method of expression. I’m not by any means boasting, nor do I want to play a numbers game. There’s more to blogging than simply gaining a following. But for those who do read my work, you unknowingly encourage me to write more. I put fingers to keyboard, often to say noting of consequence, and when even one person finds meaning in it it’s a good day.

Sadcore and brandy

He is made of sadcore and sips of brandy; bright blue eyes that stare so intently.The record player spins as fast as his mind. Yet all his memories fail to unwind. Between daydreams and nightmares he chases the ghost of the stoic girl who loved him the most.

spinning

Neon Lights and Lonely Nights

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He is made of neon lights and sleepless nights. Lipstick sticks to his collar, her scent lingers on his skin. He can’t remember all the details but he knows how it always begins. When the sun goes down, he chases the loneliness with music and wine at clubs stocked with women all too fine. They can never cure him, although they try. The loneliness comes back strong enough to make him cry. But he pushes it down with a night on the town. He is made of neon lights and sleepless nights, girls with pretty faces and all the reasons he’s lonely in the first place.

Buying a complete stranger a meal

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One of the first things I was able to do on my 14 things to do in 2014 list was to treat a stranger to a meal. He was a man of 30, suffering from a heart condition. I saw him in the mall, wandering around, looking very unoccupied. Asking a complete stranger if they want to dine with you takes a bit of courage, at least it did for me. This is one of the reasons why I did it. It’s one thing to casually say hello to a stranger, but to outright ask them to take time out of their day for you makes people uneasy. Many people are friendly, but they aren’t as social as they think. This man however was social…or rather he was lonely. I think I knew that as I watched him. He was looking around like he was hoping someone would notice his existence. I decided that person ought to be me.

I approached him with my best smile and went straight to the point, asking him if he wanted to have lunch with me. He looked at me with eyes that undeniably questioned if I was on drugs and shifted back and forth as he (in my opinion) tried to sum me up.

“There’s a breakfast place here, which is really good. Would you be interested?” I asked, as he stood quiet. He then told me he knew of it and ate there sometimes. I nodded and asked him if he wanted to eat there today, with me. After a smile and another sizing up moment he agreed.

Now, I know many people would have tried to make small talk, and perhaps look for the right moment to ask. But I’ve always been awful with small talk. I also know that it can be a waste of time when trying to earn trust. People often decide within 30sec of meeting someone if they want to have anything to do with them. When the man didn’t immediately walk away from me, I knew the probability of him accompanying me to lunch was high. He also, as I said, looked lonely. If he had had shopping bags, or was rushing from place to place in the mall, I wouldn’t have bothered. But he was taking his time, taking everything in. I’ve been there. I’ll go out, often to enjoy the day by myself, but at some point I begin to crave companionship. I start fantisizng about someone admiring me à la distance. Suddenly, the time alone just make you feel as though you’re the only one out without a friend. This man was looking at people, especially couples, with a longing in his eyes. Thus, as odd as he may have thought it was for me to approach him, it may have made him excited.

We entered the establishment, which was relatively crowded, and sat down next to a window which afforded us the opportunity to people watch. I picked this seat on purpose. He looked like he enjoyed people watching (as do I) and if there was nothing to talk about we could people watch. He asked me what I usually order, and suggested we order my favorite and share. I agreed, though I thought it was interesting that he would want to share a meal. He later explained that due to his health, he can’t eat much. He didn’t want to order a full plate that he knew he’d waste since I was paying. I thought that was quite considerate of him. Other’s may have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu just to take advantage of the fact that someone else way paying.

We chatted about the city, the weather, his likes and dislikes and his health condition. As the time rolled on I felt like I was talking to friend. He told a lot of jokes, some of which were actually funny. He also said thank you multiple times. He never once asked me why I had randomly decided to take him out to lunch, and I’m glad he didn’t. I would have hated to say “it’s part of my new year’s bucket list.”

When we had finished, I paid the bill and he asked me if I wouldn’t mind strolling around the mall a bit with him. I agreed, spending the next 30min walking in a circular path around the mall. He didn’t go into any stores. He had no desire to. He simply walked around with a big smile on his face, making jokes. I enjoyed my time with him. We laughed, and I got a chance to make a lonely person feel less alone. I walked away with a new friend.

I’ll admit it turned out much better than expected. Well, to be honest I wasn’t sure what to expect. Anything could have happened. He could have been a jerk. He could have have said no. I could have made him feel uncomfortable. None of that happened. No one in the restaurant knew I had only met the guy that day. We interacted like friends, and there were times that I myself forgot that he was a stranger (until I decided to change that). We both took a chance that day. I in asking and he when he said yes. Life is an adventure and can lead to some fun experiences when you take the chance.

How have you gone out of your way to make a new friend?

The City

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You’re one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever seen
Oh God, what a landscape
There are so many places in you that I want to visit
Take me on tour; let me get to know you
We could party uptown downtown, all around
I’d like to leave my mark on you
Set up a home in your heart
With your bright eyes lighting up the night
This is where I want to stay.
Of all the cities in the world, you’re the one I fell in love with

Forbidden

I’m somebody’s child but nobody’s baby
Changed my route so you could find me

You lived your life with what you’re used to
Got scared of change. So scared they’d judge you

Dizzy with love but is this one true
At this point you’ll take what they give you

Lip to lip this could be heaven
wanted your touch since I was eleven

We’ll see it through and you’ll forgive me
Too many secrets I kept discretely

Freedom was not made for those like us
We’ll turn to ash; our love will turn to dust

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