Sometimes I wan…

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Sometimes I want to live selfishly in the dark

Shut out the people

Shut out all the light

The people are so noisy

And the light hurts my eyes

But then I think of you waiting past the shadows

You shine so brightly it’s hard to shut you out

I’ll keep a candle burning in my dark paradise

So you can always find my shadow

And I can always feel your warmth

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I heard the win…

I heard the winds of winter tap louder at my door, while autumn tried desperately to stay a little more. The leaves lay crisp beneath my feet no longer colored, but instead dying and decaying like my dreams. I pushed out the feel of winter from under my skin but in my heart I knew that autumn’s breath was fading. The sun set early, dusk came quick. November’s spell has already began to make me feel sick. I wondered how long it will make me suffer this year, and how I will bear it without you here.

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I was cold all …

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I was cold all day. Not the kind you experience from the weather or being in a cold room; it was a kind of cold that seems to be coming from inside of you; a shivering numbing cold that nothing can remedy. It was as if winter was inside of me. Mounts of snow were heaping up. Frost was latching onto my insides. I said I wanted to experience winter, but not like this. I didn’t want to turn to ice. 

 

You’re afraid…

You’re afraid of being loved. No…you’re afraid of not being loved. You’re afraid of giving, committing all you are to one singular soul and receiving half or nothing at all. You’re afraid you’ll grow close, become dependant and then one day be left cold and abandoned. You’re afraid of believing, youthfully dreaming that you could be their everything and then becoming nothing. You are not afraid of the blissful beginning, you’re afraid of the agonizing end. You are afraid of the wasted time; the haunting memories; the long sleepless nights of wondering; the rush of uncontrolled emotions; the sick feeling you get when you hear their name; the wound in your heart that will never truly heal. You’ve put up a wall, bared yourself in to keep some control. Because if you shut out all possibility of love, if you keep it from getting in, you can save yourself from watching it walk out. You sit alone, watching lovers go by, afraid to risk, afraid to try.